Archive for December, 2010

Debuting The Word: 2011 Edition

I realize it may be disorienting and confusing to suddenly be presented with a blog post from me, silent, non-blogging little me, a mere 9 months after my last entry. But I stand powerless before the cultural traditions of New Year’s, and the endless American drive to control, shape and change. You might recall that 2010 was the year of “nourish”, and that 2009 was all about “enjoying”. I don’t know that I would say I have been fully successful in these endeavors, because seriously, it’s a year. But I like it. As an exercise, it fills that post-Christmas suckhole. And so, without further ado, may I introduce to you The Word for 2011:

hope

http://sp.dictionary.com/dictstatic/d/g/speaker.swf [hohp]  Show IPAnoun, verb, hoped, hop·ing.

–noun

1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best: to give up hope.
2. a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.
3. grounds for this feeling in a particular instance: There is little or no hope of his recovery.
4. a person or thing in which expectations are centered: The medicine was her last hope.
5. something that is hoped for: Her forgiveness is my constant hope.
–verb (used with object)

6. to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
7. to believe, desire, or trust: I hope that my work will be satisfactory.
–verb (used without object)

8. to feel that something desired may happen: We hope for an early spring.
9. Archaic . to place trust; rely (usually fol. by in ).

—Idiom

10. hope against hope, to continue to hope, although the outlook does not warrant it: We are hoping against hope for achange in her condition.
Origin:
bef. 900;  (n.) ME; OE hopa;  c. D hoop,  G Hoffe;  (v.) ME hopen, OE hopian

—Related forms

hoper, noun
hop·ing·ly, adverb
self-hope, noun
un·hop·ing, adjective
un·hop·ing·ly, adverb
—Synonyms
1.  expectancy, longing. 8. See expect.

I really really need to work on 1, 6, and 7. Especially at the holidays when the world is very dark and I am surrounded and sometimes submerged in crazy family dynamics, I lose hope. When I go to school with people who are 10 years younger than I am, who have never held a real job and tried to carve out a life for themselves and experienced real heartbreak, I lose hope. I feel like I am slowly crystallizing into a cynical, jaded, burnt out old lady. It is hard to have hope for our country. It is hard to have hope for our world. It is hard to have hope for my family(ies), in particular. It is hard to have hope for me.

The irony here is that of course I have so many things that I have longed for – I have a beautiful family, a fine house, decent health, enough money, schoolwork that is interesting and progressing. But I find myself mourning for things that are gone. My knees. My abs. My energy. My creativity. My innocence. Where is that 21 year old girl? Where is that 25 year old girl, who was kicking ass and taking names and laughing all the way? I feel old. I feel sad. I feel angry.

So. This year I am going to be thinking about hope. About placing my thoughts and will and emotions on the side of the light. On the side of good. I remember what it was like to feel that with enough hard work and enthusiasm I could make the world a better place. I remember what it was like to believe that life was only going to get better from here (I think). I’m not sure right now how I am going to take concrete steps to implement hope, but I am going to be working on it. And maybe even sharing my thoughts about it now and again.

I hope the New Year brings you everything you long for.

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