Archive for January, 2010

A Light Snack

So, most appropriately, I have been thinking on the word for the year, nourish. And let me tell you, I think I picked a winner. It seems to be the golden ticket. I have made a few small steps towards nourishing myself, and I thought I would post them here in my little online diary…

1. Realized that the ticket to feeling better about myself, and therefore handling stress in ways other than shoving food in my mouth, is working out. Maybe other people need some other step first, but working out has to be my number one. So the more I make it to the gym, or even just do some yoga and push ups in the living room, the better I feel and the better choices I am able to make.

2. At least looking at the last semester, school is really not good for me, mentally or physically. This is not the same as not being good at school, which I am. I think that a lot of my poor eating choices are about being stressed at school, not to mention chronically sleep deprived (clinically proven to increase sugar cravings, in addition to my complete inability to get caffeine any way but soda) and arriving home at 6:30 and trying to feed myself and my boys. So I am trying to really look at what I can do differently this semester to change that dynamic.

3. I realize that we live in a self-help, empower yourself nation, so this may be blasphemy, but here it is: there are times when it is not possible to do everything well at once. Last semester, it was not possible for me to work out and study and be a mother and a wife to the extent that I wanted to. All of those things happened to varying degrees, but I think I can look back and say I was really just doing the best that I could with what I had at the time. This semester, I think I am more comfortable with being in class, am already getting more sleep (thank GOD!!!! Pediasure, you are my favorite friend!) and have friends and study partners and routines in place. All of that had to be built from the ground up last semester, and I am hoping that I can take that energy and expend it at the gym.

4. I have to feed myself as a creative person. NEWSFLASH! I know. But I was so drained and dried up in that area and now that there is no pressure and no performance dates and no endless emails and personality management crises…. I am feeling some small faint stirrings there. I am reading books. I bought myself some new music with my shiny iTunes gift cards. It is very nice to feel excited and interested in something again, even though that is as far as I have gotten. I feel like if I keep doing this then eventually I will have something to give again. Have some energy to create something new. And no, I really do not even mean a child. Dear Lord.

5. I bought myself some new work out clothes, which I didn’t even realize that I completely needed but man! Those sports bras! They are really something! So I feel better about myself before I even get to the gym, which also helps.

6. Tomorrow I am going to go through my closet and do a big purge. And then I am going to make some strategic lists. And then I am going shopping (probably not all tomorrow). And then, I am going to lose some weight and look super cute and do it all over again. Because I can.

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Debuting The Word: 2010 Edition

Much like last year, I am choosing one word to try to remember, act out, and otherwise incorporate into my life for the upcoming twelve months. And it is:

nour⋅ish

[nur-ish, nuhr-] Use nourish in a Sentence

See web results for nourish

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–verb (used with object)

1. to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth.

 

2. to cherish, foster, keep alive, etc.: He had long nourished the dream of living abroad.

 

3. to strengthen, build up, or promote: to nourish discontent among the workers; to nourish the arts in one’s community.

Origin:
1250–1300; ME norisshe < OF noriss-, long s. of norir < L nūtrīre to feed; see nurse, -ish 2
Related forms:

nourishable, adjective

nourisher, noun

Synonyms:
1. See nurse. 3. encourage, help, aid, back, advance.

Antonyms:
3. discourage.

Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009.
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Link To nourish

 Knowing the issues we have had with BabyK’s  slow growing and endless testing and pointless doctor’s visits, you might think this idea is a little retro. So 2000 and late, as they say. But it’s not about him at all, really. Ha! I know you think I’m joking. But it’s about me. It’s about taking the time and the energy and the focus to try to build myself back up after this crazy roller coaster ride of motherhood has had its exhausting, draining, physically-altering way with me for the past 44 months.  (Really? Yes: 17 months of infertility, 9 months of gestating, 18 months of parenting)

What I hope for this year, what I am setting as my intention, is to replenish and build up and promote myself physically, creatively, intellectually, and spiritually. (Yes, that’s all. No biggie.) But I feel like we are at the point now where I can grab a little breathing room from this motherhood gig now and again, and if I don’t take the chance to put myself back on the agenda, I might just slip away entirely. Typing that, there is something deeply ingrained in me that says, “Not that there is anything wrong with that! Parenting is awesome! It’s the best! I want nothing more than to complete subsume myself into my child’s life!” Ahem. See what I mean?

A few weeks back I was decorating the house for Christmas and I actually had a moment of inspiration and creativity when I envisioned tying a ribbon between the posts of our bed and hanging snowflake ornaments from it. This might not make sense to you, or maybe it does and you think it would just be ugly and stupid, but it cost about $4 and maybe 8 minutes of my time to make happen and by golly I did just that. Those snowflakes make me smile every time I see them, not just because they pretty up my bedroom but because I had a creative spark and I caught it and held it and breathed into it until it became a happy little flickering light.

Friends, I cannot even really tell you how long it has been since that happened for me.

(Actually, the last gasp was probably a collaboration piece that happened in December 2007. Still. Before that it was becoming increasingly rare.)

I want to put myself back in the drivers seat of my life. I want to give myself what I need to be a functional, fulfilled, happy and productive person. I have realized that means a few things: Exercise. Adult conversation.  Creativity. Learning. I would like us all to eat better but realistically that is not my strength and I am making slow progress in that area that I would not like to overburden with the weight of an annual intention.

My problem with food lies not in the skills needed for preparation but in the desire, planning and time management skills required to make that happen. Believe it or not, but I have discovered the one thing I just cannot make myself care too much about. What I really want to have happen is for Mr. K to become fabulously wealthy and to hire a personal chef. Or, we will turn our backs on the Church and become renegade Mormons and when we finally get a sister-wife up in this hizzy I will make sure she is young and impressionable and skilled in the kitchen and lock her in there and throw away the key! Bwuahahaha! Sad, but this is a much more likely scenario than getting Mr. K to while away his gourmet hours making food that I actually want to eat. Seriously, what good are homemade hummus or crepes or chicken cacciatore to me? Blerg. I like it when he grills and when he makes scrambled eggs.  I wish I could become an indiscriminate eater but I can’t. I think I might be a super-taster.

That paragraph has almost nothing to do with this post. I need an editor. Volunteers?

I think it is very interesting that both the synonym and origin that they give is NURSE. Since that is what I am going to school to be, and also, since I am still nursing, if in a rather sporadic fashion, BabyK. I think we will be done in the next few weeks here unless something changes (by which I mean, we will probably be done nursing by his birthday, since he is sure to get another virus or something and demand to nurse all night.) I like nursing him. I like him. But I also like me, and I think it is my turn to nurture myself a bit.

So. There you have it. What’s your word for the year?

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